16. The Power of Saying No: A Self-Love Holiday Survival Guide: Set boundaries with confidence, honor your needs, and bring more joy to the busiest time of the year

Feeling stretched thin this holiday season? In this episode of Self-Love Session, we dive into the art of saying no - gracefully and guilt-free - so you can protect your peace, prioritize your needs, and actually enjoy the holidays. You’ll learn practical strategies for setting boundaries, embracing self-love, and avoiding burnout during the busiest time of the year. Remember: saying no isn’t selfish - it’s an act of self-love that helps you show up more fully for yourself and the people who matter most. Tune in and discover how to create space for joy, confidence, and calm this season!

🎁 Grab my free Holiday Survival Checklist to help you set boundaries, reduce stress, and protect your peace all season long: www.nadjahagen.com/boundaries-checklist 🎁

Transcript

Nadja Hagen [00:00:09]:
Are you ready to go? From Am I good enough to Wait? Is this even good enough for me? Welcome to the Self Love Sessions podcast. I'm Nadja Hagen, your hostess and Self love coach for all your high achieving women recovering from people pleasing and ready to prioritize yourselves. In this show, I share actionable tips and tools to help you set healthy boundaries and prioritize yourself so that you can intentionally build your life, aligned with your values and finally build mutual, connected relationships without the need to pretend to be someone you're not. Let's dive into today's episode. Ho ho, ho. And welcome to the Self Love Sessions podcast. We are approaching Christmas rapidly. Fast.

Nadja Hagen [00:01:01]:
I'm so glad you are here, because today. Oh my goodness. We are diving into a topic that's a total lifesaver during the holidays. That's right. We are talking about the power of saying no. The Holiday edition. So now listen. I know the holiday season can be magical and full of joy, but let's be honest here, it's also exhausting.

Nadja Hagen [00:01:23]:
The invites pile up, the to do list seems endless. And before you even know it, you. You are stretched so thin you feel like you could snap. I get it because I've been there. So today we are going to explore how to say no with love and grace so you can avoid burnout, protect your peace, and actually enjoy the season for what it's meant to be. A time of connection, joy and rest. I want this to feel like a conversation between us. So grab your favorite cup of coffee, tea, or hot cocoa, sit back, take a deep breath, and let's dive in.

Nadja Hagen [00:02:01]:
You're not alone, my friend. We are in this together. So let's start with a million dollar. Why is saying no so hard? Especially this time of the year? For so many of us, saying no feels like a rejection of the people we care about. It feels like we are letting them down. I know for sure. It used to feel impossible. I'd say yes to everything.

Nadja Hagen [00:02:28]:
The office, secret Santa party, dinners with extended family, helping friends with their holiday shopping. By the time Christmas actually rolled out, I was running on fumes. And I bet you've been there too. You want to make everyone happy. You want to be seen as the friend who shows up, the family member who makes an effort, the person who's always reliable. We are conditioned to believe that during the holidays we should be cheerful, accommodating, and generous, even if it means sacrificing ourselves in the process. But let me ask you something. Who's showing up for you? Take a second here and think about the times you have said yes when you really wanted to say no.

Nadja Hagen [00:03:13]:
Maybe it was agreeing to host yet another family gathering when you were already overwhelmed. Or saying yes to a party out of obligation even though you knew you needed a night to recharge. How did that make you feel? Were you present in those moments? Or were you distracted, stressed and counting down the minutes until you could leave? Here's the saying. No doesn't mean you are selfish. It means you are honoring yourself. Boundaries are an act of self love and self respect. And when you protect your energy, you are actually able to show up for others in a much more meaningful way. Let me share a story with you.

Nadja Hagen [00:03:57]:
A real wake up call moment. A few years ago I had a holiday season where I felt like I was running on autopilot. I had said yes to everything. Dinners, gift exchanges, cookie swaps, you name it. And one particular weekend I had three different events lined up back to back. Can you believe this? Oh gosh. On Friday I felt it. That pit in my stomach.

Nadja Hagen [00:04:26]:
You know the one, the one that says this is too much, you just can't keep this up. But I ignored it. I told myself, it's the holidays, you're supposed to be busy. By Sunday morning, I was a wreck. I woke up with a headache, I was short tempered and I felt completely drained. I had spent the entire weekend rushing from one event to the next, smiling on the outside, but totally checked out on the inside. And then it hit. Why am I doing this? That was the year I decided to change.

Nadja Hagen [00:05:03]:
I sat down, looked at my calendar and made a commitment to myself. I would only say yes to the things that aligned with my priorities and brought me genuine joy. When the next inmate came in, I did something that felt radical at that time. And I can tell you, I am so glad these times are far away by now. What I did, I said no. Politely, kindly, but firmly. And you know what happened? Nothing. Nobody got angry.

Nadja Hagen [00:05:38]:
Nobody disowned me. And the best part? I felt relief. That's when I realized saying no isn't about rejecting people. It's about choosing what matters most. Here is a little mindset shift for Saying no can actually be a gift. Not just to yourself, but to the people you care about. You think about it when you're constantly saying yes. You're splitting your time, energy and attention into a million little pieces.

Nadja Hagen [00:06:08]:
You're showing up half there, and let's be honest, people can feel that. But when you say no, then you are creating space. Space for rest, space for the things that light you up and space to fully show up for the commitments that matter most. And isn't that what we all really want? Quality time with the people we love? Genuine connection and real joy. Okay, let's get practical. I know you're great, but how do I actually say no without feeling guilty? Here are some phrases I use all the time that work like a charm. So the first one is the polite decline. You can say something.

Nadja Hagen [00:06:53]:
Thank you so much for inviting me, but I'm going to have to pass this time. The second one is the gentle prioritizer. I'm focusing on keeping things simple this season so I won't be able to make it. I hope it's wonderful. And the third thing is the alternative offer. You can say something. I can't join this time, but I'd love to get together for a coffee in January. Let's catch up then.

Nadja Hagen [00:07:21]:
And if someone pushes back, that's okay. You can stand your ground and still be kind. For I understand you are disappointed and I'm sorry. I'm just honoring what I need this season, actually. How does this sound? How does this make you feel? To be honest, if someone would decline an invite I gave to them, I would feel very appreciated when this person declines my invite like that. So let's pause for a moment. I want you to ask, what are my priorities this holiday season? Take out a piece of paper or just reflect in your mind. Write down your top three.

Nadja Hagen [00:08:04]:
Maybe it's spending quality time with your kids or carving out a quiet evening for yourself that feels luxurious. Or honoring a family tradition that lights you up. Whatever those priorities are, let them guide your decisions. Saying no gets easier when you have a clear why. Let's run through a couple of scenarios. The scenario one is the last minute invite. There you could say something. Thank you so much for thinking of me, but I'm keeping this weekend free to recharge.

Nadja Hagen [00:08:41]:
Another scenario could be the family obligation. And you could say something. I love our family dinners, but I'm going to step back from hosting this year. Let's find a simpler way to celebrate. That's fabulous, isn't it? So easy, so kind, so clear. The third scenario is work events. You could say something. I really appreciate the invite, but I'm keeping my evenings light this season.

Nadja Hagen [00:09:08]:
So here's the bottom. Saying no isn't about shutting people out. It's about honoring yourself. Every time you say no to something that doesn't align with your priorities, you are saying yes to yourself, yes to peace, yes to rest, and yes to what truly matters. So as you navigate this holiday season, I challenge you to pause and ask, is this bringing me joy? If the answer is no, let it go. Alright, my friend, let's take a moment to reflect on everything we've covered today because we have unpacked a lot. First, we explored why saying no feels so hard, especially during the holidays, and how it often comes from wanting to please others and avoid disappointing them. Then we talked about the toll it takes when we say yes out of obligation, sharing how overcommitting leaves us burned out, distracted and unable to enjoy.

Nadja Hagen [00:10:12]:
This season, I shared my personal wake up call and how learning to say no changed everything, giving me back my energy, my peace and my presence. We also shifted the mindset around saying no. It's not rejection, it's a gift to yourself and the people you love because you are able to show up more fully where it really matters. Finally, I gave you practical ways to say no gracefully, kindly and guilt free, along with phrases you can use in real life examples to help you set boundaries this season. If there is one thing I want you to take away, it's saying no is an act of self love. It's not selfish, it's necessary and you're allowed to choose what's best for you. Before we say goodbye, I want to remind you of the holiday season isn't about doing everything for everyone else. It's about connecting, slowing down, and finding joy in what truly matters to you.

Nadja Hagen [00:11:17]:
So as you navigate this season, give yourself permission to pause, reflect and choose what aligns with your heart. Remember, you are enough exactly as you are, and you don't need to prove that to anyone. If you loved this episode and found it helpful, I'd love for you to share it with a friend who might need to hear this message today. And don't forget to leave a review. It helps this show reach more beautiful souls like you. Thank you so much for joining me today. I'll be back soon with more tools, stories and inspiration to help you redefine self love and create a life that feels just right for you. Until next time, take care of yourself, protect your peace, and saying no can be the kindest thing you can do this season.

Nadja Hagen [00:12:07]:
You've got this. Thank you for tuning into today's episode. If you're ready to dive deeper into setting boundaries, knowing exactly when and how to communicate them so they stick, I've got something for you. Head over to nadiahagen.com boundaries checklist and grab your free 8 Steps to Healthy Boundaries checklist for high Achieving women so you feel confident in every interaction. This is my thank you for listening and a way to keep supporting you beyond the self Love sessions. I can't wait to chat again in the next.