10. The first six signs that indicate you might lack healthy boundaries

Do you constantly experience relationship challenges? Or would you rather stay alone at home because being with people has become exhausting? You might not have relationship issues but boundary issues instead.

Tune into today's episode to find out if it's a relationship or boundary issue and learn about the first six signs (out of twelve) to distinguish if you need to install healthy boundaries or uplevel your social skills. You'll be surprised how often a missing boundary strains your relationships.

If you want to learn to set healthy boundaries, grab my free checklist that guides you through the whole boundary-setting process - it's free!

Grab it here https://nadjahagen.com/healthy-boundaries-checklist

Transcript

Nadja Hagen [00:00:14]:
Are you ready to go from am I good enough to is this good for me? Welcome to the Self Love sessions podcast. I'm your hostess, Nat Yahen, and I'm.

Nadja Hagen [00:00:25]:
The self love coach for ambitious women recovering from people pleasing and starting to.

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Love the heck out of themselves.

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The most important relationship is the one.

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You have with yourself.

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It sets the tone for all other.

Nadja Hagen [00:00:39]:
Relationships in your life and your overall quality of life. It's worth cultivating. In the Self Love Sessions podcast, I share nuggets of wisdom on setting healthy.

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Boundaries, prioritizing your needs without shame and.

Nadja Hagen [00:00:54]:
Guilt, and building relationships that enrich your holding life, starting with the one you have with yourself. Let's dive into today's episode. Welcome to today's episode of the Self Love Sessions podcast.

Nadja Hagen [00:01:16]:
In today's episode, I want to share with you the first six out of twelve indicators that you might lack healthy boundaries. And it's super important to know these indicators because awareness is the first step to fixing these issues and improving your overall life quality. Quite often people know that something is off, but they do not attribute this to boundary issues. So they think they have actually relationship issues or communication issues, when in fact it's a boundary issue. I don't want you to fall into this trap because after listening to today's episode, you will know all the indicators that clearly show that you're dealing with a boundary issue and not something else. Okay, sounds cool. Awesome. So let's start with the first one.

Nadja Hagen [00:02:15]:
The first one is your relationships tend to be dramatic or complicated. You know, the reason for this is that boundaries are actually rules. You can compare them to rules that we have in traffic. When I'm approaching a red traffic light, it's a sign for me to stop. And this might slow down my personal journey. But because we all agree to stop when the lights are red, we make sure that nobody gets hurt. And we, all, me included, arrive at our destination safely. The same is valued for our relationships.

Nadja Hagen [00:02:58]:
Boundaries are the rules that clearly indicate what is okay and what is not okay. And if you don't have these rules, you still have your personal boundaries, even though you have not clearly communicated them. And if they are constantly overstepped, then relationships tend to get complicated or even dramatic. Makes sense.

Nadja Hagen [00:03:24]:
Cool.

Nadja Hagen [00:03:25]:
Let's move on to the second indicator. The second indicator is that you find making decisions challenging. You have catered so much to the needs and wants of others that it's simply challenging and difficult to clearly know what you want and what you don't want and to decide accordingly. Faced with a decision might leave you blank. You just don't know what you want. And it comes very often also with a feeling that you might not deserve what you actually want because nobody ever cared for what you want and what your needs are, not to mention to think about fulfilling them or meeting them. You absolutely deserve to have your needs met. And you and your needs are important and absolutely valuable enough to be met.

Nadja Hagen [00:04:22]:
No question here. Are you ready for the third indicator? Okay, here it comes. You really, really hate to let other people down. Does this sound familiar? Do you know this feeling? This is a clear sign that you are people pleasing. And don't worry, people pleasing is not a life sentence, but it's definitely something you need to be aware and something that needs to be healed so that you intentionally can create the life that you want to live, not that others want you to live. People without proper boundaries tend to go along with other people's plans. You worry so much about letting other people down that you say yes, even if you'd rather say no. And this is what we call people pleasing.

Nadja Hagen [00:05:13]:
But don't worry, I can show you exactly how to stop people pleasing and start pleasing yourself. This journey is definitely doable and it can also be an enjoyable one. And I will show you how. These were the first three signs that indicate that you might lack healthy boundaries. It's so important that you are aware of them, because if you're not, you might easily think this is about you. Something is wrong with you when it clearly is not. Boundaries are things that can be learned. It's a skill set that you can learn and it's something that you can practice.

Nadja Hagen [00:05:53]:
So it finally, even if you don't believe it right now, but that it's finally something that comes naturally to you. Take my word for granted here. I have learned it myself and I'm an absolute pro at setting boundaries, and all my clients have done the same too. It's also absolutely doable for you. Do you want to know the next three signs? Number four, five and six.

Nadja Hagen [00:06:19]:
Yeah.

Nadja Hagen [00:06:20]:
Cool. Okay, here comes indicator number four. Guilt and anxiety are your companions. You feel guilty for the smallest things, like taking the last piece of cake or asking someone to move a bench so you can sit too. You overthink what you have said a thousand times because you're afraid you said something wrong and you might have hurt someone unintentionally. These are clear indicators that you are worried about taking up too much space, thinking you don't deserve to ask for what you want or being afraid of annoying people and getting rejected all these have in common is that they are signs of people pleasing too. They mainly steam from childhood wounding, where you felt that your wants and needs didn't matter that much. But there's hope these childhood wounds can be healed and you can wave people pleasing behaviors goodbye.

Nadja Hagen [00:07:18]:
And it's easier than you think. Are you ready for indicator number five? Here it comes. You are often tired for no apparent reason. Often doing what others want leaves us with little room to do what we need or desire. So people pleasing is exhausting. It doesn't leave enough time for self care or to contemplate what you truly want. It feels like running in a hamster wheel. Helping others is good, but doing so at your own expense isn't.

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When you don't have enough time to go after your purpose, life can start to feel empty and leaving you feeling frustrated, and it can also lead to mild depression. That's not something we want ready for the next indicator? This is sign number five that you might lack healthy boundaries. You easily overshare. You tend to overshare private details of your life with people you just met. This leaves you open to manipulation and hurt. Trust is something that needs to be built over some time. It's not the same as being friendly. You can be warm.

Nadja Hagen [00:08:36]:
You can be friendly and welcoming without giving private details away, private details that should be earned through building trust over time. This time allows you to really get to know the other person and to decide if he or she is trustworthy or not. And at the same time, when someone wants to be close to you, you feel scared and you easily turn away to protect yourself. The thought of building real closeness makes you feel uncomfortable and you don't know how to express your needs and wants appropriately, and this causes you stress and results in intimacy issues. Sounds familiar. Don't worry, this too can absolutely be healed and fixed. You know by now that my podcast episodes are pretty short, deep and meaningful, but easily digestible, and I want to.

Nadja Hagen [00:09:34]:
Keep it this way.

Nadja Hagen [00:09:36]:
And that's the reason why I will share the next six indicators with you in next week's episode. That gives you enough time to reflect upon today's episode to think about your questions. Get in touch with me. I want to know what you're thinking and feeling about these indicators that I shared with you. Just drop me an email. You can visit me at Mydigital home, nadiahagen.com, and under the contact page you can drop me a message. For sure. I will answer your message.

Nadja Hagen [00:10:09]:
This leaves you enough room to think about the six signs that indicate that you might lack healthy boundaries that I have shared with you today. Did you notice any of these in your life? Or are you just frustrated about the effects that these have and you haven't been aware of them? I hope that this changed with today's episode and that in the future you can clearly identify if it's a boundary issue or if it's something else. I'm currently working on creating a course that I will launch probably in summer this year that will teach you everything, and I mean really everything, about boundaries. It starts with identifying boundary issues, being aware of what is a boundary issue and what is a different issue. It helps you heal childhood wounds that lead to you not feeling comfortable in setting boundaries, and it will also teach you how to set healthy boundaries that actually bring you closer to yourself and others, all while feeling good doing so. If this sounds exciting, head over to mydigitalhome natyahegan.com courses. You will find the course boundaries with confidence and you can register for the waitlist there so that you will be the first to be informed when I finally open this course for enrollment and you won't miss any of the early bird offers and special bonuses. That's so exciting and I can't wait to share more with you.

Nadja Hagen [00:11:45]:
Keep tuned for next week's episode where I will share the next six signs and indicators that might make you aware that you miss healthy boundaries in your life. Thank you for tuning in for today and I can't wait to talk to you in the next episode. You you.

Nadja Hagen [00:12:08]:
Thank you for listening to today's episode. If you found this valuable, please give a five star rating and tell other women that this show is worth listening to. I talk to you in the next episode.