25. Self-Love & Emotional Sovereignty: Mastering Triggers, Boundaries & Resilience

Do you ever feel like your emotions are running the show, leaving you drained, reactive, or doubting yourself? In this episode, we’re diving deep into emotional sovereignty - the power to understand, manage, and own your emotions without letting them own you.

You'll discover how self-love is the key to handling emotional triggers with grace, setting boundaries that protect your energy, and strengthening your confidence so you can navigate relationships without losing yourself. If you’ve ever struggled with overreacting, people-pleasing, or second-guessing your emotions, this episode is a must-listen.

But here’s the thing: most people think they know how to set healthy boundaries… until they’re face-to-face with a demanding boss, a critical parent, or a friend who just won’t take no for an answer. That’s why I created a powerful free resource just for you - 

✨ 8 STEPS TO HEALTHY BOUNDARIES THAT ARE EFFECTIVE AND FEEL GOOD ✨

HINT: Most people are missing two crucial steps, which is why their boundaries aren’t working! Even if you’ve had boundary-setting training or feel pretty good at it, chances are, you’re overlooking the key elements that make boundaries truly effective.

In just 10 minutes, you’ll unlock the exact steps to set boundaries that align with your heart and soul - ones that feel good and actually stick. Yes, even in front of that boss who keeps piling on extra projects or the family member who doesn’t respect your time.

👉 Grab your FREE copy here: https://nadjahagen.com/boundaries-checklist

Get ready to reclaim your emotional power, cultivate unshakable self-love, and show up as the most grounded, resilient version of yourself. Tune in now! 🎧✨

Transcript

Nadja Hagen [00:00:09]:
Are you ready to go? From Am I good enough to wait? Is this even good enough for me? Welcome to the Self Love Sessions podcast. I'm Nadja Hagen, your hostess and Self Love coach for all your high achieving women recovering from people pleasing and ready to prioritize yourselves. In this show, I share actionable tips and tools to help you set healthy boundaries and prioritize yourself so that you can intentionally build your life, aligned with your values and finally build mutual, connected relationships without the need to pretend to be someone you're not. Let's dive into today's episode.

Nadja Hagen [00:00:53]:
Hey there my friend, and welcome back to the Self Love Sessions podcast. Today we are diving into a topic that will revolutionize the way you navigate your emotions, your relationships, and most importantly, your relationship with yourself. We are talking about emotional sovereignty, that magical ability to understand, manage and own your emotions without letting them hijack your life like a toddler who's found the car keys. And here's the thing, this all comes back to self love. True self love isn't just about bubble bath and reciting affirmations in your mirror while wearing a face mask, though let's be honest, that stuff is pretty great too. But real self love is about standing firmly in your power, managing those emotional triggers that make you want to flip tables and setting healthy boundaries so you can show up as your most confident, resilient self. Think of it as giving yourself the emotional equivalent of a superhero cape. So in this episode we are going to break down how to recognize and manage emotional triggers without hiding in your closet when things get tough.

Nadja Hagen [00:02:07]:
The key to developing emotional intelligence even when your ex text makes you want to throw your phone in the ocean, and how to build the kind of emotional resilience that keeps you grounded no matter what life throws your way. From minor inconveniences like running out of coffee to major heartbreaks that feel like your world is ending. Let's get into it, shall we? Buckle up because the ride might get bumpy, but I promise the view at the destination is worth it. So let's start with triggers. Those moments when something happens and suddenly your emotions spike faster than your heart rate after accidentally liking your crush's Instagram post from 2017. Maybe it's a passive aggressive comment from a colleague that makes your blood boil. A partner not responding to your text as quickly as you'd like. Cue the spiral of they don't love me anymore thoughts, or a family member who knows exactly how to push your buttons with the precision of a NASA engineer before you even realize it you're overwhelmed, reactive, or shutting down faster than your laptop when you have 14 tabs open and haven't updated it in months.

Nadja Hagen [00:03:25]:
Sound familiar? If so, welcome to the human experience. You are not alone in this emotional rollercoaster. Triggers are a part of life, and triggers are a normal part of life. But how you respond to them is what determines whether you stay in control or let them control you, like a puppet master pulling strings. Here's the truth that might be hard to swallow at Triggers are actually teachers in the skis. Every emotional reaction points to something deeper. An unhealed wound that's still sensitive to touch, an unmet need you've been ignoring, or an old story you are still carrying around, like that heavy backpack you refused to put down. Instead of reacting automatically like you are programmed to do, self love invites us to pause.

Nadja Hagen [00:04:21]:
And what is this moment trying to teach me about myself? So I invite you. Next time you feel triggered, try these four steps. They will help you manage trigger and put you back into the driver's seat of your emotional landscape. So the first step, Pause before reacting. When you feel a strong emotional reaction brewing, like a storm, don't respond immediately. Take a deep breath, count to five, or even excuse yourself if needed. I need a moment is a complete sentence and a totally valid thing to say. Giving yourself space interrupts the automatic reaction and prevents you from saying something you'll be apologizing for later.

Nadja Hagen [00:05:13]:
Name the emotion. Instead of just feeling bad or upset, which is about as specific as saying you're somewhere on earth, right? Get precise. Are you feeling rejected? Unseen? Disrespected? Embarrassed? The more specific you are, the more control you gain. It's like the difference between saying I'm in North America versus giving your exact GPS coordinates. Step number three, Find the root cause. This is where the real detective work happens. Is this about the present moment, or is it bringing up something from my past? Many times our triggers have little to do with the current situation and everything to do with old wounds that never properly healed. It's like when you bump a bruise you forgot you had.

Nadja Hagen [00:06:07]:
The pain is from an old injury, not the gentle bump. Step number four. Choose your response. Here's where emotional sovereignty really shines. You get to decide how you respond rather than letting your autopilot take over. Do you need to set a boundary, have a clarifying conversation, or just simply acknowledge the trigger and let it go? Because it's not actually about the present moment. The choice is yours, and that choice is your power. And this is where boundaries come in.

Nadja Hagen [00:06:42]:
Because without boundaries, your emotions get hijacked by other people's behaviors and expectations more often than public wi fi gets hacked. So let's talk about that next. Boundaries are the foundation of emotional sovereignty. Like the walls of a castle protecting the kingdom of your well being, they are the invisible lines that protect your energy, your time, and your emotional health. Without them, you end up feeling drained faster than your phone battery. At 1%, resentful for people you actually love, and stuck in cycles of people pleasing that leave you wondering where your authentic self went. So if you've ever felt guilty for saying no or found yourself over explaining your choices like you are defending a thesis, chances are you could use stronger boundaries. And let me tell you, having boundaries is not selfish.

Nadja Hagen [00:07:37]:
It's not mean, it's not pushing people away. It's self love and action. And it actually creates the space for more authentic connection. I used to be the queen of weak boundaries. Saying yes when I meant no, staying in situations that drained me and taking responsibility for other people's feelings like I was collecting emotional baggage as a hobby. The result? Burnout, resentment, and relationships that felt more like obligations than connections. Learning to set boundaries was like discovering a superpower I didn't know I had. So I give you three essential emotional boundaries that you should set.

Nadja Hagen [00:08:22]:
The first emotional boundary is a boundary around your time. Your time is the one resource you can never get back, so it's worth protecting if someone constantly expects you to drop everything for them. You're the personal emergency response team. It's okay to say I'd love to help, but I don't have the capacity right now. And now you don't need to present a PowerPoint presentation justifying why now. Two are boundaries around emotional labor. You are not responsible for fixing other people's emotions or problems. You can be supportive without becoming someone's emotional dumping ground or unpaid therapist.

Nadja Hagen [00:09:06]:
It's okay to say I care about you, but I don't have the emotional bandwidth to take this on right now. You can hold space for someone without carrying their burden. Three Boundaries around respect. This is non negotiable. If someone speaks to you in a way that feels hurtful, dismissive, or just plain disrespectful, you have every right to say, I won't continue this conversation if I'm being spoken to this way. And then this is the hard part. You have to follow through, even if it means walking away from the interaction. When you honor your boundaries consistently, you reinforce your self worth like you are building a muscle.

Nadja Hagen [00:09:52]:
And that leads us directly to confidence because nothing drains confidence faster than feeling like you have no control over your emotions or your relationships. It's like trying to drive a car while sitting in the passenger seat. So emotional intelligence isn't just a buzzword that sounds good on LinkedIn. It's the ability to understand, manage and express your emotions in a healthy way. And it directly impacts your confidence. Why? Because confidence isn't just about how you present yourself externally, it's about how grounded you feel internally, like the difference between a house with a solid foundation versus one built on shifting sand. When you're emotionally intelligent, you don't take things personally as often as a novice actor takes rejection. You don't spiral into self doubt every time something doesn't go your way.

Nadja Hagen [00:10:46]:
And most importantly, you trust yourself to handle whatever emotions arise, even the uncomfortable ones that make you want to hide under your blankets. I remember giving a presentation once where I completely blanked on what I was supposed to say next. Pre emotional intelligence me would have died of embarrassment on the spot, but instead I took a breath, made a joke about my brain taking an unexpected coffee break, and continued the difference. I didn't make the moment mean something about my worth or ability. And you know, everyone in my audience could relate because I wasn't the only one experiencing this. So here's how to cultivate emotional intelligence and build lasting confidence. The first step here is self awareness. Pay attention to your emotional patterns like you are watching a Netflix series about yourself.

Nadja Hagen [00:11:45]:
Do certain situations consistently trigger insecurity or frustration? Do you notice yourself shutting down in specific environments? Awareness is the first step to change, and sometimes just noticing the pattern is enough to interrupt it. Step number two Self regulation. Instead of letting emotions dictate your actions like you are a puppet on strings, practice healthy coping strategies. Whether it's journaling, deep breathing, going for a walk, or simply giving yourself a moment before responding. Think of it as being the director of your emotional movie, not just an actor reading a script you didn't write. Step 3 Empathy Confidence isn't just about how you treat yourself. It's also about how you connect with others. Emotional intelligence allows you to navigate relationships with more grace, making you more secure in yourself and your interactions.

Nadja Hagen [00:12:47]:
When you understand that everyone is fighting their own battles, you take fewer things as personal attacks. Confidence is a natural byproduct of emotional sovereignty, like flowers blooming when they are properly watered. When you trust yourself to handle your emotions, you walk through life with a sense of certainty, even in uncertain situations. It's not that confident people never feel fear or Doubt, it's that they don't let those emotions stop them from moving forward. And they don't make these emotions mean something about them. Because we all feel fear and doubt from time to time. That's a completely normal thing of the human experience. Resilience is what allows you to bounce back from setbacks, disappointments and challenges without losing yourself in the process.

Nadja Hagen [00:13:39]:
It's what keeps you standing when life tries its best to knock you down with the force of a Category 5 hurricane. And at its core, resilience is about self love. The deep kind that doesn't waver when circumstances do. Because self love isn't just about how you treat yourself when things are going well and life feels like a highlight reel. It's about how you support yourself when things aren't going as planned and life feels more like those bloopers they show at the end of movies. I learned this lesson the hard way after going through a particularly difficult breakup that came together with a career setback back. Double whammy, right? There were days when getting out of bed felt like climbing Mount Everest without equipment. But bit by bit, I rebuilt my resilience through small acts of self care and self compassion.

Nadja Hagen [00:14:34]:
And you know what? The person who emerged from that period was stronger and more self aware than ever before. So how do you build emotional resilience? The first thing is that you practice self compassion. When you make a mistake or face a setback, talk to yourself the way you talk to a friend you adore, not like a drill surgeon on a power trip. When you make a mistake or face a setback, talk to yourself the way you talk to a friend you adore, not like a drill surgeon on a power trip. Be kind, not critical. Ask yourself, would I ever speak to someone I love this way? If the answer is no, it's time to change your internal dialogue. Seriously. The next step is to reframe challenges.

Nadja Hagen [00:15:24]:
Instead of seeing struggles as failures or evidence that the universe is conspiring against you, view them as opportunities for growth. What is this teaching me? Or how might this actually be serving me in the long run? Sometimes the detours led to the most beautiful destinations. And then stay connected to yourself. Make self care a daily habit, not just an emergency response when you're already running on empty. Whether it's meditation, exercise time in nature, or simply checking in with your emotions, regularly prioritize your relationship with yourself like it's the most important one you have, because it is. True. Resilience means you trust yourself enough to know that no matter what happens, you will be okay. Not because nothing bad will ever happen, but because you've proven to yourself that you can weather the storms and still find reasons to dance in the rain.

Nadja Hagen [00:16:28]:
So let's bring it all together like the final scene of a movie that changes how you see the bird. Emotional sovereignty is about understanding and managing your emotions, setting strong boundaries, and cultivating the confidence to navigate life with grace, even when it gets messy. And let's be real, life gets messier than a toddler with unlimited access to fingerprints. At the heart of it all is self love. Not the superficial kind that disappears when things get tough, but the kind that's strong, resilient and unwavering. The kind that reminds you that you are in charge of your emotions, not the other way around. You are the CEO of your emotional life, not an intern being bossed around. So as you move forward this week, I invite you to practice self awareness like a mindfulness ninja.

Nadja Hagen [00:17:22]:
Honor your boundaries with the firmness of a bouncer at an exclusive club, and trust yourself more deeply than you ever have before. Because emotional sovereignty isn't just a skill, it's a lifestyle that transforms not only how you feel, but how you show up in the world. Thank you for spending this time with me today. If this episode resonated with you more than your favorite song, I'd love for you to share it with a friend who needs to hear it. Think of it as emotional matchmaking, connecting people with the messages they need the most. And if you haven't already, be sure to subscribe so you never miss an episode. Think of it as making a standing date with yourself for some emotional growth. And unlike some Tinder matches, I promise I'll always show up.

Nadja Hagen [00:18:11]:
So until next time, take care. Set those boundaries like they are the hottest trend of the season. And remember, you are worthy of self love in every moment. Even the moments when you put an empty ice cream container back in the freezer or wear mismatched socks. Especially then. Until I talk to you in the next episode.

Nadja Hagen [00:18:36]:
Thank you for tuning into today's episode. If you're ready to dive deeper into setting boundaries, knowing exactly when and how to communicate them so they stick, I've got something for you. You head over to nadiahagen.com boundaries checklist and grab your free 8 Steps to Healthy Boundaries checklist for high achieving women so you feel confident in every interaction, this is my thank you for listening and a way to keep supporting you beyond the self love sessions. I can't wait to chat again in the next.